Bomoh economics

(MalaysianInsider) NOV 17 — Economics is such a funny subject. According to economics theory, there is a "hidden hand" in the market and if you leave the market alone, it will find the most efficient way to produce goods and provide services. This is called the "equilibrium" price.
Okay-lah, you must be thinking, I am just showing off what I learned from Form 6 economics. Shame, shame!

Actually what I want to teach you all today is Bomoh Economics. You see, in the West you have Vodoo Economics and the usual economics named after American presidents such as Reaganomics, etc.

According to wisegeek: Voodoo economics is a derogatory term used to describe the economics process known as supply-side economics. The term was used by then-presidential candidate George Herbert Walker Bush in his fight against Ronald Reagan for the Republican nomination in 1980. Voodoo economics is a complicated system that uses tax cuts as incentives to savings and increasing labour.

Being a proud Malaysian who is seeking a place in the “Malaysia Book of Records”, I wish to promote the theory of Bomoh Economics. If this theory is widely used and mentioned in the media, I will get a place in the “Malaysia Book of Records”, a gold-coloured certificate to put on my office wall, plus invitations to Tourism Malaysian events.

So here is BE 101 — Introduction to Bomoh Economics.

Bomoh Economics is all about efficiency and the free market.

Case Study 1: In 1971, one US dollar was equal to RM2.8. In 1998, one US dollar was RM3.8 and approximately RM6.3 to the pound sterling.

Last week, one US dollar was equal to RM3.5.

Case Study 2: Want a new highway? No money to build? No worries, get the private sector to build it. It will not cost a sen. To ensure that the project is efficient and transparent, insert a clause in the concession agreement. This clause, which is legally binding, says the Kerajaan, guarantees a certain number of cars using the highway and paying the toll. If the traffic dips below the agreed figure, the Kerajaan will top up the difference. If the traffic flow goes above the projections, the highway company keeps the additional toll.

Isn't Bomoh Economics wonderful? You and I get a brand new highway and the company makes money even if very few people use the highway.

Case Study 3: To promote economic development in pioneer industries, you establish SEDCs in every state. You give these SEDCs a free hand to invest in all sorts of business. The buzzword is "generate economic activity". If these subsidiaries are successful, you sell off these companies. Those companies making losses are given more money to burn until they go bankrupt. You then appoint a consulting company to "review the operations" which recommends that "these monies cannot be recovered."

Case Study 4: If you supply items like fighter jets, helicopters or even submarines, you need to add RM200 million for P&P (postage and packaging) and insurance. You may also need to add RM1 million to hire an English translator to deal with the complex negotiations. You will also need a neutral venue for the tough negotiations — the recommend places are Ulaanbaatar, London, Paris and Hong Kong.

In summary, the fundamentals of Bomoh Economics are:

1. Value is all relative. So what if the ringgit has gone down against the US dollar. Who cares? We can export more!

2. When you sign a contract, you must guarantee the profits upfront. If not, don't sign the contract.

3. Sell profitable companies quickly. They are a distraction to the overall strategy of putting more money into loss-making entities.

I request that you mention my name every time you use the word "Bomoh Economics" as I assert my moral right as the originator of the theory of Bomoh Economics.